CHAPTER 6: SMOKE GOES UP
By the time I pulled the old boot from under my bed, I was coughing so hard my ribs hurt.
My hands shook.
The room looked wrong.
The ceiling had almost disappeared behind smoke.
Bunny was tucked beneath one arm.
The boot lay between my knees.
I ripped out the insole.
The device was there.
A tiny green light blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Low battery.
“No.”
I pressed the button.
Nothing.
I pressed again.
The light flashed red.
“Please.”
I started crying.
“Please, please, please.”
Then I remembered Mrs. Ellis.
Hold it down.
I pressed my thumb against the button and counted.
One.
Two.
Three.
The device vibrated.
Connected.
A small voice came through the speaker.
“Emergency services.”
I almost screamed with relief.
“My door’s locked!”
“Can you tell me your name?”
“Caitlyn.”
“Caitlyn, stay low. Are you in a bedroom?”
“Yes.”
“Can you open the window?”
“No!”
“Okay. Stay with me.”
There was pounding downstairs.
Sirens outside.
The dispatcher kept talking.
I coughed.
“Mommy left.”
“What did you say?”
“My mommy left me.”
The words sounded different once I said them out loud.
Heavy.
Final.
Then I heard voices outside the bedroom door.
Jessica.
She had come back inside.
“Caitlyn!”
I crawled closer.
“Jessica!”
The handle rattled.
“I can’t get it!”
“Open it!”
“I’m trying!”
Another voice.
Mom.
“Jessica, get away from that door!”
“She’s still inside!”
“Get downstairs!”
“No!”
“Jessica!”
The device recorded everything.
None of us knew that yet.
At seven, I didn’t care about evidence.
I cared about breathing.
I cared about the door.
I cared that Jessica was outside it now.
“Please!”
Then a crash shook the hallway.
I screamed.
Someone shouted.
“Fire department!”
The next sound was louder.
CRASH.
The doorframe splintered.
Light cut through the smoke.
A firefighter appeared.
Dark uniform.
Mask.
Helmet.
For one second, he looked like something from a nightmare.
Then he pulled off part of the mask.
I knew his eyes.
“Caitlyn?”
Mr. Reyes.
The man from school.
Smoke goes up.
You go low.
I started crying harder.
He crawled toward me.
“I’ve got you.”
“Bunny.”
“We’ve got Bunny too.”
He wrapped me in his arms.
I clung to him.
As he carried me down the stairs, I saw pieces of my house through the smoke.
The family photographs.
The dining room.
The red front door.
Everything Mom worked so hard to make perfect.
Blackened.
Broken.
Outside, there were lights everywhere.
Red.
Blue.
White.
Neighbors stood in the street.
Paramedics rushed toward us.
Then Mom screamed.
“My baby!”
She ran forward.
I saw her.
Pearl earrings.
Green dress.
Perfect hair ruined by smoke.
She reached for me.
And I pulled away.
Not on purpose.
My body did it before my mind could.
I twisted toward Mr. Reyes and buried my face against him.
The street went quiet.
People noticed.
Really noticed.
For the first time.
Mom stopped.
Something changed in her face.
Not sadness.
Fear.
A car arrived.
Ms. Carter stepped out.
Someone must have called her through the school emergency contacts.
When I saw her, I reached both arms toward her.
“Ms. Carter.”
She came to me immediately.
Mom looked around.
At the neighbors.
At the firefighters.
At the police.
At all the people watching.
Then Jessica stepped forward.
Her face was gray.
“I locked the door.”
Mom turned sharply.
“Jessica.”
Jessica started crying.
“I locked it.”
“You’re in shock.”
“You told me to leave her.”
“Stop.”
Jessica looked at her.
Really looked.
Maybe for the first time.
Mom lowered her voice.
“She’s confused.”
Jessica shook her head.
“No.”
“Jessica.”
“I’m not.”
The ambulance doors opened.
A paramedic placed an oxygen mask over my face.
Ms. Carter held my hand.
I looked at her.
One question had been hurting inside me more than the smoke.
“Am I bad?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“No.”
“Then why didn’t Mommy open the door?”
Ms. Carter pressed my hand between both of hers.
She didn’t lie.
She didn’t tell me Mom loved me “in her own way.”
She didn’t say everything would be okay.
She just said:
“I don’t know why she made that choice.”
May you like
The ambulance doors began to close.
“But I know it wasn’t because of you.”
